On the Fence of Maybe

We all struggle with the maybes of life. Maybe I should do something about my high
anxiety, maybe I need to break up with him/her, maybe I should propose, maybe
I should quit this awful job, maybe I should start thinking about how I’m getting in my
own way, maybe this depression is too much for me to manage, maybe I can be
happier. I hear it too often. “I loved your sport psychology presentation, I should
really start seeing you, that mindfulness stuff really makes sense, I worry too much/I’m too sad
I need to be in therapy…” Unfortunately these comments often remain abstract thoughts and
words, but never become a concrete action.

There are a myriad of positive reasons for seeing a therapist, but the negative reasons and
self-doubt which prevent someone from seeing me tend to be stronger. These
negative thoughts include, “What if someone I know sees me, opening up is too
difficult especially to a strange, what if I cannot be helped, it is going to
take too much time…” At the root of this issue is often the comfort of what is
familiar versus the fear of the unknown. A problem-filled life is more tolerable
when compared to the fear of a new life associated with entering into therapy.
However, I have found that most people who are apprehensive and fearful of
seeing me, quickly realize that the negative thoughts prior to going to a
therapist pale in comparison to the reality of therapy.

Which side of the maybe fence are you on? “Yes, it is time see
Ciarán” or “No I don’t think I can do it.” If you are struggling and leaning
toward no, consider the following examples:

-Some people are depressed, anxious, experiencing relationship
problems, and/or afraid of taking a risk, which contributes to an unhappy life.
Our problems vary from severe to mild. Either way when life is not satisfying,
we spend too much of time thinking about and trying to do something about our
problems. This constant thinking is distracting, worrisome, annoying, and
prevents us from enjoying the moment. This thinking sometimes helps us overcome;
but sometimes we need help from an expert. What if you replace the countless
hours and energy spent thinking about life problems with one hour of weekly
therapy? I’ve had too many people get 3-5 sessions into therapy and voice regret
of not coming into my office sooner.”

-Some people are struggling with their performance and it is not
due to a lack of talent. Many of today’s serious middle school, high school, and
college athletes can experience a day that includes two hours a day in the gym,
two hours practicing, an hour watching film, and an hour stretching/doing yoga.
That’s six hours of training your body in one day, while the mental side of
development is neglected. When I work with an athlete, it is usually for only
one hour a week and the positive impact often helps them reach the next level.

Are you sitting on the “fence of maybe?” If so, which side are
you leaning toward? Regardless of the path you chose, I hope this post helps you
get off the fence because the fence is uncomfortable when we stay there too long
and we cannot accomplish much when we are still on the fence. Get off the fence
and start moving toward your goals and a life worth living.

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